bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
50% drunk capacity currently
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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