Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
