i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
