just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
