I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
