Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
