Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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