You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
