Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
