made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have aggressive nipples.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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