We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
