We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
