Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
