He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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