that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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