I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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