did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
