my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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