I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
