I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
