That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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