Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
