My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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