Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
