just survived the first fart of the relationship.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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