it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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