I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
