I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
