The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
