im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
