Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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