just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
