I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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