yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who died my cat blue again?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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