Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
