I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
