eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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