At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
