apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
