The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
from now on my penis is your penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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