They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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