I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
