Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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