It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
