Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
