Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
