Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
