Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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