When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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