something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am mentally ready for anal.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
