Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
