dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
