Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
