I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
