xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
