I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
