YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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